Where's Waldo?

Where's Waldo
By Maxwell Allen

Waldo Grimes knew things that weren’t privy to most folks. He knew aliens landed at Roswell and that Marilyn Monroe was killed by agents of the Kennedys. He knew that for gospel. He also knew man never did land on the moon and that it was all set up by Nixon to turn everyone’s attention away from Vietnam. According to Waldo, one of the people that worked on this scam was a young technician called George Lucas.

Waldo Grimes was a nut job in most people‘s eyes. If he’d lived in New York or LA, he would probably have merged in with the fantasists and conspiracy theorists that were ten to a penny there. The trouble was, Waldo lived in Winter Falls, a small two turd hick town in Northern Oregon. Winter Falls had a population of about two hundred. Occasionally, it had two hundred and three, but that was only if Betty Steenbergen and her two kids came back to live with her husband George. They’d had more cat fights than you could mention and on the day that Waldo walked into the Only Bar in Town, she was on one of her “I’m never going back to that bastard” visits to her mom in Portland.

The Only Bar in Town was named because it was just that. Winter Falls only had one store too and one Post Office and one gas station. It had two churches though, one Lutheran and one Baptist and both had cause to pray for the souls of their congregation. The Only, as most people knew it was a place where most Winter Falls people came together. Owned by a sixty four year old Montana woman called Lily Lee Harper, she had a mouth like an oil rigger on acid, although it also came with the proverbial heart of gold. The day Waldo disappeared, he’d been in The Only, drinking with Jake and Herb Morgan. They were the only ones who tolerated Waldo's ideas.

“You seen those lights in the sky, last week?” Waldo asked. “They were stars, Waldo.” replied Jake. “Stars my ass!“ Waldo retorted, “No stars moved the way they did. I’m telling ya’ we’re being watched.“ Herb stifled a laugh. “I know ya’ll think I’m a wacko, but mark my words. We ain’t being told anything.“ “ Aliens? Hell, what about that moon thing and that letter you sent to the President about 9/11. I wouldn‘t go round talking up your ideas on that one, I mean there’s a lot of folk…” “Damn it, Jake Morgan.” shouted Waldo, slamming his bottle hard on the table. “There’s more to 9/11 than meets the eye.” He leaned in closer and whispered. “The Pentagon jet. It never happened the way they said it did. Government confiscated CCTV from various places and they‘ve disappeared. I‘m not alone. There are many of us out there who believe. “Jesus Waldo, you’re like that guy from the X Files.“ “My agent in Arizona…“ “Your agent!“ “…says that the thing that hit the Pentagon was not Flight 77 at all, but a government missile. Intended to build up pressure for a war.”

“You’re talkin’ through your ass, Waldo. Tell me this then. Where is Flight 77? All those people?” Waldo slipped his hand in his jacket and brought out a black and white photo. “My agent in Arizona took some pictures.“ Jake and Herb looked at the photo Waldo had put down. It showed a man in orange overalls, flanked by two armed guards “It was taken at an air base in New Mexico. That guy there…“ pointing at the man in orange. “then take a look at this.” Waldo brought out a newspaper clipping of the Washington Post dated September 13, 2001. It showed a photo of the aircrew of Flight 77. “See any resemblance?” The brothers looked at the photo, then back at Walter. “There’s a similarity, but…” “No buts! That’s the co-pilot. Plane was taken over by Federal agents, flown to New Mexico and that’s where they’re incarcerated. He has other photos.” “How many?” “He has three more. He sent this to me.” “You seen these photos?” asked Jake. “No. It’s essential that we keep evidence separately, in case the government finds out.” The two brothers laughed out loud.

“Hey, Waldo. I like your new car.” Waldo turned. The woman who had spoken placed a box of groceries on the table. The barkeep lifted the box and took it out the back. Lily Lee Harper was short, carrying a little weight but for her age, she looked fine.

“Car? What car? I ain‘t got no new car.“ “Well you must have some rich folks calling, ‘cause there’s a big black limousine parked outside your place. Blacked out windows too. Didn‘t see no one.” Waldo paled, stood up and walked out without saying a word. He made one visit to the Post Office before he set off home.

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The sheriff’s office at Tillamook County was brought in three days later. They never had much call to visit Winter Falls before, as nothing much ever happened there. Waldo’s disappearance had everyone scratching their heads. Nothing had been touched in Waldo’s place although it would have been hard to discover if anything had been stolen. The place was always in a mess anyhow, most people testified to that, but there was no sign of Waldo. “Where’s Waldo” became the most popular headline in the county’s newspapers. “Sure as hell, I don’t know.” said Lily Lee. “Aliens took him.” said Herb Morgan. The woman in the Post Office said he came in and posted something on the afternoon he vanished. “Seemed a little quiet.” she commented. The black car was mentioned, but no one could trace it. Waldo Grimes simply vanished and when Betty Steenbergen came back three days later and announced she was pregnant, his disappearance became yesterday’s news.

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The mail clerk who opened Waldo‘s letter and photo at the Washington Post never did show the contents to the editor. As a covert agent of the government he quietly filed it away in his briefcase and took it to the offices of the FBI during his lunch break. They filed it away in a folder they called the X Files.

They like to think they have a sense of humor.